Last evening I had an interesting discussion with my workshop participants about Soulmates. I asked everyone what came to mind when they heard the word. I got various responses. For some, it’s a person who is your perfect fit. For others, it’s someone who you truly enjoy spending time with and who shares your values. There are also people who believe it’s a person who helps you with your personal growth.
Many of us actually have an image of a fairy tale – I know I did! I thought that one day, Prince Charming would arrive and we would just know that we were destined for one another. And we would fall in love and live happily ever after. Even though I knew that this was a fairy tale image, somehow that expectation was still there. But Prince Charming never arrived on his white stallion, so I thought that maybe he didn’t exist…
The truth was that I was waiting for a prince who would love me, when I didn’t really love myself. It didn’t matter that I did well in school, had a successful career or was in a caring relationship. Deep inside, I felt like I didn’t belong, people didn’t really care about me, and that I wasn’t loved. And I was looking for something or someone that would make me feel like I did belong, that people really did care about me and that I was truly loved. And I waited and waited…
It wasn’t until I started to take radical self-responsibility that things began to shift. I had been trying to get from others what I wasn’t giving to myself. But that was a futile undertaking. We cannot simply get what is missing inside us from another person. It was time to give to myself what I had been waiting for someone else to give to me all my life.
I had been waiting for myself all along.
If you are still looking for your Soulmate, start by being your own Soulmate first. Begin with the practices of loving yourself, by accepting yourself completely, being compassionate with yourself and empowering yourself. Remove all the obstacles that are in the way of love – past resentments, false beliefs that you are holding on to, and fear – and practice forgiveness, choosing empowering beliefs and being courageous.
You are your own Soulmate. Embrace yourself first, so you can open yourself to fully loving others and allow yourself to really let in love from others. You are the one you have been waiting for.
My soulmate is bipolar and hurt me badly. I cut off contact with him months ago. I feel broken because I truly, madly, deeply love my soulmate but he’s not good for me and can’t change…I’ve dated since breaking up with him but it’s been a lot of meaningless interaction that’s left me longing for something meaningful.
Now there’s another man who I’ve known for a year claiming that I’m his soulmate. He’s the closest thing to perfection and yet, I don’t want to give myself to him. I feel like I’d be leading him on because my heart belongs to another man but what I’ve realized from this post is that I need to truly love myself and heal my hurt before I can let love in.
Thank you Manuela. Your post has given me a lot to think about.
Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that you are coming to the realization that truly loving yourself and healing your hurt is the foundation for really being able to allow love to come into your life. It takes time and dedication, but it can be done! So often, we think the answer lies outside, with other people or new situations, when we actually have the power to make the change from the inside first.
Sending you lots of positive energy for your journey!