The Key to Feeling Worthy
Have you ever struggled with feeling worthy? In “Daring Greatly”, Brené Brown explores what people who believe they are worthy – she calls them the Wholehearted – have in common. She found that it’s not that their lives are easier or that they have survived fewer traumas and had fewer struggles, but in the midst of all their challenges, they have developed practices that allow them to believe that they are worthy of love, belonging and joy.
They live a life defined by courage, compassion and connection. And the value that allows them to live their life in that way is vulnerability. Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences. What we know matters, but who we are matters more. Being rather than knowing requires showing up and letting ourselves be seen. It requires us to dare greatly, to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability Myths
Just the term “Vulnerability” alone can make people uncomfortable, mainly because there are a number of myths around vulnerability.
MYTH #1: “VULNERABILITY IS WEAKNESS.”
Brené Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
I have noticed that running my own business definitely makes me feel vulnerable. I share with people who I am, I introduce my ideas, make offers, and have no idea how people will react each time.
I know artists and writers who put their work out there with no assurance that people will accept or appreciate their work. That is vulnerability as well.
Does that sound like a weakness? Definitely not. Vulnerability feels a lot more like the courage to be authentic. It’s not comfortable, because there is uncertainty and an emotional risk, but it’s not a weakness.
MYTH #2: “I DON’T DO VULNERABILITY”
If you are alive, vulnerability happens. Even when you try to avoid it, there are moments when all of us feel uncomfortable, uncertain, or emotionally exposed. So we can’t choose to avoid vulnerability, we only get to choose how we react to uncertainty, emotional exposure or risk.
MYTH #3: VULNERABILITY IS LETTING IT ALL HANG OUT
Vulnerability does not mean sharing our feelings and experiences with anyone around, without any boundaries. It is about sharing them with people who we have built up trust with.
MYTH #4: WE CAN GO IT ALONE
Vulnerability is not a journey we can make alone. If we are going to try new ways of being and take risks, we need people who support us without judging us.
Brené writes: “Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”
Willingness to be Vulnerable
We all deserve to feel worthy, but there is no shortcut. The first step it requires of us is the willingness to be vulnerable.
In Brené’s words: “We all have good and bad, dark and light, inside of us. But if we don’t come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there’s something wrong with us—that we’re bad, flawed, not good enough—and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs. If we want to be fully engaged, to be connected, we have to be vulnerable.
How will you dare to be vulnerable?
Manuela loves helping mid-level professionals create a career and life they love. You can sign up here for her monthly newsletter with helpful tips and course announcements.