Our lives seem busier than ever before. And it can be overwhelming. While technology makes our life easier in many ways, it can also create a lot more work with so much more information out there to consume, so many more people to connect to with social media, and expectations to be “always on.”
I have certainly felt overwhelmed myself at times, especially in my work, feeling that there are almost too many choices out there in terms of what to do next and too much information to process in order to stay on top of my field.
So I have found myself drawn more and more to the concept of Minimalism and Essentialism. I have learned that in order to avoid overwhelm it is critical to understand what is truly important and essential in your life and then to eliminate anything that is not essential.
I recently wrote about how you can explore what is essential in your life based on Greg McKeown’s book “Essentialism” (see: How To Stop Being So Busy: Take Time to Explore)
Once you have created space in your life to explore what is essential to you, it is time to eliminate the non-essential.
There are 5 steps to Eliminating that McKeown suggests:
Step 1: Clarify
In order to eliminate activities that are not aligned with what you are trying to achieve, you need to be really clear on what your purpose is in the first place.
That means, not only coming up with a concrete and inspirational mission or purpose statement, but an essential intent that is meaningful and memorable. If you could be truly excellent at only one thing, what would it be?
For more info about finding your purpose, read: Living Purposefully
Step 2: Dare
Once you are clear about your essential intent, you need to dare to say “no” to things that don’t align with that intent.
In order to say “no” firmly, resolutely and gracefully, there are a few things that may be helpful to remember:
- Denying the request is not the same as denying the person
- Focus on the trade-off. What are you saying ‘yes’ to?
- While saying ‘no’ may be met with initial annoyance, disappointment or anger, people respect and admire those with the courage of conviction to say ‘no’. Respect is more valuable than popularity in the long run.
- A clear ‘no’ can be more graceful than a vague or noncommittal ‘yes’
Here are some ideas for how you can say ‘no’ with grace:
- The awkward pause
When a request comes to you, just pause for a moment. Count to 3 before responding or wait for the other person to fill the void.
- The soft “no” (making a counteroffer)
Let’s say someone asks you to get together. You can let them know that you are occupied with a project right now, but would love to get together once it is finished.
- Let me check my calendar and get back to you
This gives you time to think and figure out where this is truly something essential for you to do or not.
- Use e-mail autoresponders
When McKeown was writing his book, he sent an automated response back to emails with the subject line “In Monk Mode.” In it he explained that he was currently working on a new book, placing an enormous burden on his time and apologized for not being able to respond in the manner that he would like.
- Yes. That means I will need to deprioritize xyz.
This could be useful when someone senior to you at work asks you to do something, informing them of the trade off you will have to make in order to take on this new project.
- Say it with humor
Of course this depends on the situation, your own style and who is asking. Some examples:
“My advisors have come to a unanimous decision of “No” on that.”
“Hell no!” 😉
- I can’t do it, but X might be interested
If I can’t take on a coaching client, but I know another coach who could, I am always happy to recommend the other coach, for example.
Step 3: Uncommit
Have you ever continued to pour money, time or effort into something that wasn’t working instead of walking away? It happens all the time. The more we invest in something, the harder it is to let go. We continue to pour energy into relationships that don’t work, stay in a job we don’t like, hold on to investments that aren’t profitable, or sit through a terrible movie because we already paid for it.
It’s called the sunk-cost bias and it is the tendency to continue to invest time, money or energy into something we know is a losing proposition because we have already invested so much in it and that loss cannot be recouped.
Escaping that trap takes practice. Here are some things you can try:
- It always surprises me how hard it is to get rid of things (like old clothes in your closet), even after having gone through and applied the KonMari method, asking if a particular item brought me joy. (See: Clear Your Clutter and Your Mind) McKeown suggests a different “killer question” to determine if you are going to keep stuff: “If I didn’t already own this, how much would I spend to buy it?”
- Or if you are considering an opportunity, you could ask: “If I did not have this opportunity, how much would I be willing to sacrifice in order to obtain it?”
- Do not be afraid of waste. Whatever money you spent on something is already gone.
- Get a neutral second opinion. Someone else who is not emotionally involved will be able to point out that you are forcing something that is not working out.
- Apply zero-based budgeting: Instead of trying to budget your time on the basis of existing commitments, assume all previous commitments are gone. Then start fresh, figuring out what you would want to add today. This works for financial obligations, projects, and relationships. If it no longer fits, eliminate it.
- Run a reverse pilot: Test whether removing an activity will have any negative consequences.
Step 4: Edit
Disciplined editing can allow you to contribute more. It gives you more space for meaningful relationships and activities to blossom.
- Condense: Eliminate multiple meaningless activities and replace them with one very meaningful activity. Do you really need to attend all those meetings? Do you need to be on all these email distribution lists?
- Correct: Check yourself regularly to see if your activities match your clear overarching intent.
- Show restraint: Do you sometimes create more work for yourself? For example, when added to an email thread, you can resist your usual temptation to be the first to reply all.
Step 5: Limit
There are some people who know no boundaries when they make demands on our time. It is up to us to set those boundaries and enforce them. Personal Policies are even more powerful: They are a list of clear rules that you have put in place for different situations that you might find difficult. They reflect your values, priorities and boundaries, and keep things impersonal, so you don’t have to explain yourself.
I am a big believer in creating personal policies and have seen how effective they can be for myself as well as my clients and friends: A Surprising Way Successful Women Reduce Stress
What are some ways in which you can eliminate non-essentials from your life and avoid overwhelm?
Manuela helps heart-centered professionals who feel stuck or unhappy discover a career they love! Contact her for a free 45 minute Career Breakthrough session. Get more information on Manuela’s Website.